The News That Isn't: The One You'd Like To Read Instead

The President of the United States, Donald J Trump, made a surprise announcement that his government will ease reforms to enable non-Americans who are citizens of other nations to get full, immediate American citizenship but with one condition: their loyalty to him. Before making the announcement, he gave the reporters in the White House media room a background to the necessity of this new policy. "People all over the world support what I am trying to achieve—to Make America Great Again, even those who are not even from here. I appreciate the passion and effort they put into defending what I do and I want to return the favour", he said. "I have so many people at home who are hellbent, hellbent", he asserted in his imitable style, "on making my grand plans for the United States of America successful. The ones who stand for me should be taking lessons from my supporters abroad." India, he said, was one of the places where many of these people reside. He...

BJP supporting voters who went to caste their vote in ongoing General Election 2019 in India were in for a big surprise. They were told, repeatedly, that it was upto them to see that Modi was voted back into power, that they held the key to ensuring the country's future path of success. The campaign run by the ruling majority party, Bharatiya Janata Party, put forth incumbent Prime Minister Narendra Damordas Modi as the political hero that will sustain the good run the nation has been having for the last 5 years. They say that the next largest player, Indian National Congress, will take it back to a pre-2014 status back upto when India got its Independence from the British—commonly referred to as the "60 years" that they did not nothing for the country. The mood in the voter's camp seemed to look up with people going in droves, with the belief that they are indeed creating the nation's future with their single vote. This was clearly evident from the ambience ne...

In a certainly unexpected turn of events, there were mass protests held all over the world today. They surprised everyone, including governments, corporations and local police. This was because of the single unified purpose behind all of these protestors regardless of geographical distance, and massive socio-economic and cultural differences. They were protesting for their extended consumer rights. In a single worldwide petition filed with over 500 major consumer-dependent corporations and local and national government departments, they made specific demands that they insisted should be incorporated in forthcoming products. Their drive, the petition said, was driven by "a common angst with roots in using under-designed products and services". The "need of the hour", the petition stressed, was evident with the "clearly massive and worldwide scale" of the protest. Placards read: Our unity is irrepressible. You can get away with nothing this time. The on gr...

The world of practiced psychology, the world over, has been buzzing with an exciting new piece of research. The latest development is that people are reacting strangely and  uncontrollably to the word - "Hamas". Given the size of the development, it can be assumed that it is quite significant. Since the notice of the phenomena, recent reports from psychology journals suggest, the word is being excused from swathes of media reports without the application of mind. This was noticed with the amount of logical disconnect in the recently emerging news stories from Israel-Palestine. Psychologists, noting the change, further deduced that the logical disconnect was forcing people curiously unaware of the situation to derive wrong impressions of what the truth of the matter actually was. They also linked the issue socially, saying that it was  multiplying into ignorance of the larger political reality. This was remarked at the press conference held at the Psychologists' Associa...

Extremely excited with crossing his best milestone yet, Junaid did something that has been widely 'ooooooooed'. A day after his graduation ceremony, during which he seemed to have a rather cheery, upbeat disposition, at least more than one person noticed him discarding a strange, fancy jar into a garbage bin right opposite his college main gate. Courtesy all the din of celebration, the event remained unnoticed to many. However, as fate would have it, the next day was garbage clearing day, and lo and behold, there was the jar. The cleaning lady who found it reported it to management as "something of curious nature". They were all clearly astounded, enough to decide that an inquiry was in order. All these events unfolded before the story got mainstream news mileage. Strange to the story's development, Junaid himself hasn't, mostly, remained in the picture. Visits to his known address didn't yield much till we found him volunteering in a children's hom...

In what was reported to be the first kind of registered ghostly activity on the Internet,  St. Valentine of Rome opened an account on Twitter, sent out one tweet and then deleted it. It read, "Valentine's Day #fail *sigh*". Going by the IP address activity that could be made out, the account owner cut short a large number of requests by refreshing - perhaps because he was agitated (going by the tone of his only tweet). The company is investigating one direct message that he did send to a @extremeloverboy, which (according to investigations so far) were intense and long. Given the limit of characters per reply, they could be the source of the account owner's aggression. @extremeloverboy, probably driven by the agitated responses, did his own research and was himself astounded at his ignorance about the day, and more about the person who was allegedly responding to him. His girlfriend, @hotchick (as it was proudly stated on his Twitter profile),  tweeted about having...

A collaborative survey headed by the Conglomerate Of Major Industries Commission ascertained that, at the going rate of market growth, industries could run out of market. The press release of the survey's findings was made public at the headquarters of the organisation. It happens to be, ironically, next to its oil industries counterpart where there was a massive silent protest held for the increasing overuse of depleting resources from the Earth. There were newspaper reports of one also against the very much unnecessary logging as well that had been going on, in the area. The team made it clear that if industries (major and minor) don't wake up and take notice, they could run out of markets and their strategies, resources and products could end up being junk, right when they're packed and ready to go. It highlighted the need for desperate measures to adapt to the already depleting market availability. Quoting from the findings, they said the market-psychological figur...